so this is christmas

christmas highlights

This Christmas was a blast for us since the little man was uber-excited about the prospect of presents. And apparently he must've been on the "nice" list because Santa was very good to him. So good to him that we may have to put an addition on the house.

Here are some of the highlights:

• Seeing all the cousins in one place -- and actually playing with them.

• Playing pool at Aunt Lisa's house and with Grandma and Grandpa Schulz at their house.

• Going sledding in Janesville with Mama and Papa, Aunt Kendra, Thurston and Grandma Johnson -- and the hot chocolate and Christmas cookies that followed. (Note: I was a little worried that he was not going to enjoy sledding. I went down first with him and was afraid to look at his face when we hit the bottom of the hill. Much to my relief, he was grinning ear to ear and immediately yelled, "Let's do it AGAIN! This time with PAPA!" and he continued to take turns going with Mama and Papa until our multitude of runs carved a slippery path of ice and two tiny moguls down the hill.)

• The toys. Oh, Lord, the toys. A little ball-loving-boy's dream come true. In no particular order: The practice putter with hole that shoots back the ball. (Note: Hole came out of box not working. Papa saved Christmas when he fixed it so it worked the next morning. Yay, Papa!) The game Ker-Plunk. Alligator slippers. Awesome books. Mini- Tonka trucks. A ball quilt. A tabletop pool table. A sled. A croquet set. Ball sheets. Are you noticing a theme here? More blocks. A bowling set. And the piece de resistance? A new marble run with motorized elevator!!! Praise Jebus (Mama and Papa also watched part of the Simpsons movie)! And possibly the biggest Christmas tragedy was this: The motorized elevator on the marble run did not work. Elian took it far better than I thought he would. He didn't miss a beat, pretending that the elevator was working and deciding that Santa must've dropped it. Papa had an unsuccessful trip to Home Depot in search of a triangular screw driver to match the one that Santa's Chinese elves used on the motorized elevator. Then Mama frantically searched the website where the marble run came from. Sold out. So she got on the horn to Santa's elves. The customer service lady was incredible, saying she'd ship out a replacement elevator right away. Would I have to pack up the old broken one? No. Then, get this, Ed saves Christmas again by fixing the broken elevator too. It's a Christmas MIRACLE, ladies and gentlemen! (Note to self: No more motorized toys for Christmas.)

In the past few days, the little man has been in a new-toy-playing frenzy. And right now, for some reason, this song is running through my brain: Yes we've got trouble, right here in River City, with a capital T, that rhymes with P and that stands for POOL...

Stay tuned for pictures.

quote of the day

(During meeting.)

"I don't know anything about marketing and design -- I'm a banker."

(Fast forward to later that same meeting.)

"I think it should be a folder, not a brochure. Also, I really don't like the colors. Could we get some new colors?...I like the bridge. Could we put the bridge on the folder pocket -- but make it a bridge during the daytime, not at night?"



I can't wait to start writing the copy.

can't...blog...must...write...copy

I've been so busy with work lately. It's just coming at me from all sides. And sadly, the boy keeps doing and saying things that I think to myself, "I've got to write that down." But then I don't.

Last night we saw Santa and the Nutcracker display at Macy's. Our little man wanted to keep a comfortable distance from Santa but he did manage to get out that he wanted a marble run and a croquet set.

then there's this

Last night I dreamt that Conan O'Brien made me macaroni and cheese at his house.

words i'm not proud to have said

"I hope Santa didn't see that..."

best. things. ever. volume 8

• The way your room smells when I walk through the door.
• How you say corner: COR-NOOR
• How you've recently taken to snuggling with me every morning.
• The way you dance when your marbles go down the marble run. Every. Single. Time.
• How you laugh when you play tug-tug with your brother.
• How still to this day, "You always need a ball for the ride!"
• How you say please and thank you to your teachers in class.
• The way you bust a move with your pal Henrik in the middle of circle time at class.
• How it still kills you to see another child cry.
• Watching Sesame Street with you. Even if it's the same episode where Gordon plays golf.
• Decorating the Christmas tree with you and your enthusiasm for each and every ornament.
• How you say decide: BE-SIDE
• Your ever-growing vocabulary -- the fact that you used the word "version" correctly the other day.

just add water

Lately the little dude has been insisting that we don't drain his tub water. He wants to save it for Mama and Papa to use in the morning. I'm not sure if this is coming from the generous spirit of his heart or out of fear that his toys might go down the drain. If they do, we're gonna need a barnyard animal extractor.

In other news, papa comes home tomorrow night. Hooray!

day three without papa

the moment I've been waiting for

Finally! The little boy seems to have developed an appreciation for Sesame Street. You don't know how happy this makes me. And to celebrate, how about this blast from the past??:

he sees dead people too

Our boy appreciates about 98% of the toys he has, but he does have his big three that he goes back to again and again (blocks, marble run, train track). He also has a spooky mental inventory of every toy he's ever had.

I'm not one to enjoy clutter (you wouldn't know that by looking at our house). So as soon as I see that a toy's been neglected for a good amount of time, or it's one that he's grown out of, I take it out of the rotation and store it away. It never fails that as soon as I do that, within the next couple days, he asks me about said toy.

Just the other day he asked me about his wooden peg and mallet thing. I had JUST put it away in a box with some other toys (very secretly, I might add -- or so I THOUGHT). I gave him some vague reply like, "I don't know honey, I haven't seen it" (which isn't completely a lie). But he wouldn't let it go. He kept asking about it as if he knew exactly where it was and he was just testing me. Finally the guilt was just eating away at my insides and I went upstairs where I "found" it.

Then, the other day, I was clearing some shows off the TIVO. He hasn't been too interested in Blue's Clues lately so I thought it was safe to delete a few of those. So guess what he says to me yesterday. "Mama, I want to watch the Blue's Clues with Felix trying to make a basket." D'OH! I'm sorry buddy but that Blue's Clues is no longer with us.

Tonight, I contemplated recycling the kitty-cat house we made out of the giant cardboard box his new car seat came in. But then I stopped myself. I threw it in the front closet for a test. We'll see how long it's in there before he asks me about it. What do you suppose the statute of limitations on kitty-cat boxes is?

quote of the day

(Heard over monitor while he is supposed to be napping.)

Robot, I'll tell you what...I'm going to take you apart so you can't be a robot!!

BOTM

This month's Ball of the Month feature is Domi-kick ball.

A while back the little dude and I went to visit some of my pals at my old job. The previous time we were there, Elian had brought home a splash ball he found in Dominic's office. The boy is not one to forget a potential ball source. And this time, he scored this beach ball from Dominic that he lovingly called Domi-kick. Upon hearing this, Dominic decided he would change his name to Domi-kick. And then added, that he would also change his last name to "Youindebutt."

This ball's been with us since summer and it continues to be a hit. It's a smaller sized beach ball -- perfect for 'dote ball", volleyball, and batting around the house without knocking over the fine china.

quote of the day

(After dinner, still sitting at the table.)

ELIAN: (His voice five octaves higher) "Papa, can you take me upstairs?" said the fork, "I'm tired too."

PAPA: I think that there is a blog entry...

ELIAN: Mama, are you coming upstairs too?

MAMA: Yeah, I'm going to put my fat pants on.

PAPA: ...not the part about the fat pants.

rorschach poop

Even though Elian's been doing #2 in the potty since Halloween, he still feels the need to share his creations with us. One day, not too long ago, there was one in his little potty saved (by his insistence) by the babysitter until I got home. Then, yesterday, when Ed was helping him do the deed, he called to me, "Mama, come here and see this GORGEOUS poopie!" (Though I think he may have meant "ginormous" because that word has been used to describe some of his work.)

But usually, it's just a matter of showing us what kind of shape he has created. Some people see shapes in clouds, our kid sees shapes in bowel movements. Exclamation points. Pretzels. A smiley face. The list goes on. Today it was a bird. When I tossed the TP into the toilet, he exclaimed, "You covered my bird!" and then when I flushed, he tweet, tweet, tweeted as the bird whirled its way down the toilet bowl.

hello, santa?

the heat is on

What do you do when the temperature is 5 degrees and the heat is out? You sit in front of the wood-burning stove and have a YouTube marathon, that's what you do!

Here are two of our favorites from the morning.



And then, there's this one that got a lot of giggles:

he does his own stunts

Even though he's almost three, and my brother makes fun of me, most of the time I still hold Elian's hand when he walks down the stairs.

Today we were playing basketball upstairs when the doorbell rang. I told him to stay upstairs while I ran down to see who it was (FedEx). He said, "I'm gonna come down, Mama" and I said, "Okay, just be careful." Then I heard a noise that would stop anyone's heart.

He fell half a flight of stairs and landed face first on the hardwood landing. I immediately just scooped him up and started vigorously rocking him in the rocking chair. He was very still as he cried and cried and cried much harder and longer than he usually does when he gets hurt. Then I thought, shit, maybe I shouldn't have even moved him. I began frantically asking him what hurt and if he was crying because he was scared or hurt. He said he was scared and in between gasps, stuttered things that I couldn't understand. Finally, he was able to get out that just his face hurt. I put an ice pack on his face as much as he would tolerate and eventually the crying stopped and he was back to cracking jokes. Luckily, his pudgy cheeks probably helped cushion his fall.

I think I'm going to start looking into crash helmets.

quote of the day

Ed: (working across from me on his laptop) Let's see what's going on at Hernan-dos...

Me: Nothing.

Ed: What?!?

Me: I've been BUSY!

Ed: Well, I've been busy too, but I have time to READ it.

making other kids' lives a living hell since 2005™

Ed got this email from his sister Kendra today:

I don't know why, but Elian's been on Thurston's mind lately. The other day he said having Elian around made his life "a living hell", not so much because of anything Elian did but because when Elian visits, Laura's kids say he's their favorite cousin. Then yesterday Thurston said that maybe he should "rethink his life" and try to act like Elian even though he doesn't think Elian's the best thing on the planet or something. It sounds like Thurston's really looking forward to your visit next week.

choo choo -- boo hoo

It seems as if just overnight, the boy has developed a fondness for Thomas the Tank Engine. And here I thought we were out of the woods with this one.

He's had two Thomas DVDs since last Christmas and hasn't really shown much interest. Every once in a while, he'd ask to see it. I'd pop it in and two minutes later he'd ask me to turn it off (Right on, brotha! -- that Thomas is BOR-RING, not to mention creepy with a capitol "C").

But now it's, "Can I watch Thomas?" "Okay, buddy." "Mama, can you watch it WITH me???" "D'OH!!"

Just like apparently 90 percent of the male toddler population, the dude likes Thomas.

And now I must go poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick.

a green treasure

Look what we found at the park today. That's right, my friends. That's nearly a quarter cup of green Litte Tiny Balls. The little man would've totally peed his pants except for the fact that did I mention HE'S POTTY TRAINED!?!?

Now must go off and find a recipe that calls for a quarter cup of little tiny balls.

pies, squirrels and pumpkins

Friday we got a call on the Pie Phone. "Amy, I have two pie crusts for you. Come and pick them up." So off we went to Lempi's house to fetch them.

On the way out the front door, we saw the remains of our little front-step pumkins -- seeds scattered every which way. Surely the work of some childhood prank, you're thinking. Au contraire, my friends. This is the work of my nemesis, the squirrel.

"Hmmm, looks like the squirrels have been feasting on our pumpkins," I said. To which little e replied, "Maybe they're trying to CARVE them. Hahahahaha!" Good one. My son, the comedian.

We visited with Lempi for a while when Elian decided to tickle her. And tickle her. "Tickle, dickle, ickle, ickle, ickle..." This may not have have been worth mentioning except for the fact that Lempi is going to be 94 in April.

So here's a picture I shot of the perpetrator. Excuse the blur. It was taken at a distance. Through a dirty window.

you're invited

A while back, the little man invited another child's father to come home with us for lunch.

Then the other night, a guy came over to give us an estimate on re-siding our garage. We were eating dinner at the time. Without leaving the table, little e invited him to sit down with us for dinner.

Then, this morning, when estimator #2 came over, he invited him to stay for French toast.

I get the feeling we're going to have many dinner guests in our future.

quote of the day

(While making lasagna with my favorite assistant chef. I'm spraying the pan with canola oil.)

Elian: "Can I taste that?"

Mama: "I don't think so, it's SPRAY OIL?"

Elian: "PAPA let's me!"

Mama: "Oh, does he?"

Papa, if you're reading, you have some splaining to do.

am i the only mother who sees this?

This particular baby toy has always made me curious.

I imagine the toy designer sitting at his desk sketching it out. "Yes, yes, two little arms with heart hands, some adorable star antennas...oh yes, and some ring feet and let's see...what else...hehehehehehe!"

HELLO!!!

words i never thought i'd ever utter

"Please stop jumping over the spaghetti."

beeeg boy in da heez-ousssssss

(DORK ALERT! 40-year old white woman trying to talk like Snoop Dog.)

For a while, I've been contemplating switching over to a different children's clinic. Our place has a good reputation and we like our pediatrician. It's just everything else about the place that I'm not so fond of. Crabby nurses. Pay to park. Not real great on the administrative end. Same-day appointments are hard to come by. And then there was this experience.

But I mentioned to Elian that he needed to get a flu shot and immediately he remembered the kinetic sculpture ("ball thing") at the doctor's office. I wasn't quite sure how he was going to react about the whole shot thing since it had been a while. And since he seemed so excited to see the ball thing again, I figured we'd go to our regular place again. One might think that the crying that followed might of been because he was going to go to the doctor to get a shot. No. It was because we weren't going to go there RIGHTTHISVERYSECOND.

We tried to get there early so he could see it before his shot and then again after. But I swear I'm going to start leaving an hour ahead of time even if I'm going across the street. Because when I think I'm leaving so early, we never get there in the leisurely timeframe I'd expect. Stupid 35W bridge. Stupid wrong turn. Stupid puffy winter coat that car seat straps wouldn't fit around.

With a quick potty stop once we got there, there was only about a minute to spare before our appointment. So I made big promises of adequate ball-thing viewing time after our appointment.

The shot went flawlessly. Not one tear. And as the nurse (very nice nurse, I might add) put on his bandaid, little e told her all about how he was going to go downstairs and watch the ball thing.

We get down there and guess what wasn't working. Luckily, he took it very well. And we only had to sit and watch it not work for about 10 minutes before he gave up on it and realized it was in fact, not working. Nor was it going to start working in the near future.

And speaking of big boy. Have I mentioned how proud I am of my little monkey? He's doing such an awesome job with his big-boy undies. I think if I had known how well he was going to do, I would've put them on him a few months ago. In fact, I usually put a diaper on him before his nap and for bedtime just in case. Right now he's napping without one. He insisted he try napping with his big-boy undies. Keep your fingers crossed.

quote of the day

(Background: The last few nights he's been falling to sleep to the story of Tikki Tikki Tembo, the hapless boy with the long name who falls into the well.)


Elian: (Waking up in the morning) I have to go pee pee!

Elian: (On the toilet) I'm like that thing that starts with a Y. The thing with water in it.

Papa: A well?

Elian: Yes. I'm like a well!

old maybe

Saturday morning we decided to take a family trip to Ikea. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, it's a family-friendly place and all...If your family likes to walk around like a herd of cattle and watch over-enthusiastic shoppers get way too excited about the deals to be had. But now that little e's virtually potty trained (knock on wood) we considered dropping him off at Smaland, the Ikea childcare/playcenter, so he could roll around naked in the pool of balls. And Mama and Papa could, well, shop.

Before we left, the little man grabbed a fistful of quarters from his college fund on the off chance they had a ball machine like the one at "Old Maybe." He's had only two experiences with the giant coin-operated ball machine at Old Navy (only one he remembers) and already he's addicted. I tried explaining that I didn't think Ikea had a ball machine like Old Maybe, but his assumption that there would be a ball machine should've been our first red flag. And my assumption that the Ikea-craze had died down a bit and the shopping crowd would be pleasantly moderate should've been the second.

When we got there, Smaland was already filled to capacity so there wasn't going to be any child supervision by an Ikea employee. We were on our own. But there would be some fun shopping for low-priced well-designed items for Mama and Papa. Hooray! The first 15 minutes or so went swimmingly. But then, the quarters began burning a hole in his pocket singeing a George-Washington shaped head on his upper thigh. He needed a ball machine. STAT!

We tried to speed through the items we wanted to look through. "How 'bout this? Would this work??" "I WANT TO GO TO OLD MAYBE!!!" "What are the dimensions on that?" "I WANT TO GO TO OLD MAYBE!!!! CAN WE GO TO OLD MAYBE??!?!?!?! CAN WE?!?!? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN WE GO TO OLD MAYBE!??!?!?!?"

With boy in shopping cart, we hurried toward checkout as fast as humanly possible -- and NOT because we were taking him to Old Maybe. "WHAT'S THAT??? I SAW SOMETHING! I SAW SOMETHING!! TURN AROUND TURN AROUND!!!!" What he saw in the employee-only area, was about seven ginormous mesh bags filled with little plastic balls. Was this the recently disinfected batch for the Smaland ball pit -- or some sort of cruel joke?!?!?

After a tear-filled drive home, made painfully longer by a bathroom stop at a "Old McDonald's" Playland and its impending tube-slide access denial not to mention the 35W bridge being out, we finally made it home.

After gathering his wits with a much-needed nap, he and Papa headed over to Old Maybe with two quarters. When they got home, he ran excitedly inside with his treasures: a red ball for Elian and a green swirly ball for Mama.

quote of the day

(A while after waking up in the morning with his diaper on.)

Do I have my big-boy undies on?

No, you have a diaper on still.

(5 seconds later.)

I'm peeing.

when two balls are not enough and four are too many

And I hear some children out there like to sleep with STUFFED ANIMALS??

he can fly, he can fly, he can flyyyyyyyy!

(with a football)

guess who's wearing big-boy undies

(And now that I've said it, it's all over.)

a perfect fall day

BOTM

Meet Pumpkin Ball, October's Ball of the Month.

I picked Pumpkin Ball up last Halloween for the boy who loves balls. He's been a fine addition to the ball family. Sadly though, they don't make balls the way they used to and I'm afraid Pumpkin Ball's days are numbered. He's getting little cracks all over his dear pumpkin head. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Pumpkin Ball around since this photo was taken.

I believe this concludes our Halloween-ball theme. We already have another one in the closet ready to make an appearance next year. I know you can't wait.

quote of the day

"Buddy, I'm really proud of you -- being such a big boy staying with Aunt Karen and Uncle Bob when Mama and Papa went to the wedding."

"What's a wedding?"

"When two people love each other so much like Mama and Papa, they want to be together forever and ever so they get married."

"They can play?"

"Yep, they play together...they do everything together...Maybe one day you'll get married."

"And play basketball?"

"Sure, maybe you'll find someone you love who likes basketball as much as you do and you can get married and play basketball forever and ever together...."

"Maybe Gavin?!?!?"

question

Is the word "friend" an appropriate word to describe a person who sends your 2 year-old son THIS?


Coincidentally, this is the same friend who bought him THIS.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!

quote of the day

(While watching a Baby Einstein DVD that he requested to see.)

"I keep watching it, but I'm not seeing anything interesting."

look what we made

And by "we" I mean "I". To my little helper, making scarecrows was like so 14 hours ago when he cried because I told him that it would have to wait until today. When it came to the reality of making scarecrows today, however, he was more interested in swinging his baseball bat around. And then claiming that he had lost the little black plastic piece from the handle of said bat in a pile of leaves -- the same pile of leaves I had just stuffed into the scarecrow. "Find it, Mama!" Find it I did, but not inside the scarecrow but on the ground next to me.

He's quite proud of the scarecrows he "helped" make.

IN YOUR FACE, FORTY!!

Today I swung upside down by my knees from the playground monkey bars afterwhich, I performed a graceful handstand dismount. I would've performed even more amazing feats of bravery but Ed urged me not to, threatening me with stories of paralysis and a motherless future for Elian.

into the weird

I reserved the book, Into the Wild, from the library. I've been sort of interested in the story after hearing Sean Penn talk about it. And since he made a movie about it and all....I mean, if it's good enough for SEAN PENN it's good enough for me.

I went to pick the book up from the library. But it wasn't a book at all but instead CDs. So much for reading the description before clicking the button. (Note to self: Must start reading copy before clicking button.) I'm not usually a big fan of books on tape unless it's being read by the author. I prefer to make up the voices in my head. But since I had been waiting a while for the book (cd), I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Since Elian's had the portable CD player in his room listening to HIS books on tape, I thought I'd put it on my iPod. That way, I could listen to it while I walked Norman or before falling asleep. So last night I start it out. I'm all nestled and snug in the bed. Listening. Listening. Hmmm, this seems a little odd. This story kinda goes all over the place. Voice of rationalization in my head: "Yeah, but it was written based on diary entries and all... it sort of makes sense that it wouldn't necessarily be in chronological order, GIVE IT A CHANCE YOU BOOKS-ON-TAPE-HATING SKEPTIC!" So I listen. And I listen. Hmmm, very odd. Wasn't he just telling me about this five minutes ago? Why wouldn't the writer have completed that thought all together?? Weird. I look at my iPod. This just doesn't seem right.

That's when I realized I had it set to "shuffle."

mom vs. little man

Yesterday was a bad day in the land of little boy and mama. UsuallyTuesdays and Thursdays when we spend the whole day together are good ones. But not yesterday. Yesterday kicked my ass.

It started out okay. We went to a friend's house where he got to jump on mattresses and play with fellow little people. But he was being unusually contradictory. I figured he was tired. Or hungry. Yeah, that's it. Good thing it was almost time to go home and make lunch. And naptime!

So we got home and started the lunch making. He wanted pasta. No, he didn't want pasta. He was ready to sit down at the table. No, he wasn't ready to sit down at the table. So finally Mama just started eating lunch without him. NONONONONONONO!!!!!! I WANTTOEATIWANTTOEAT!!!!!!!! Then, guess who didn't want to eat. Then guess who tried to climb up into his booster chair but his foot got stuck and he couldn't move or he'd fall. He moved his foot and almost fell. AHHHHHHHHH! Crying ensues.

After managing to get him to eat a few bites of his lunch, we go upstairs. Ahhh, naptime. Or was it? Turns out yesterday there wasn't going to be a nap. I told him to play quietly then. Unfortunately, it's impossible to play quietly when MAMAMAMAMA!!! MY TRAIN TRACK IS FALLING APART -- HELP ME!!! He cried. Then I cried.

We normally don't wath a lot of TV. Yesterday afternoon we did. Thank you, TV. I love you.

quote of the day

(Shaking head back and forth at dinner.)

Is the home moving? I'M GIVING YOU A RIDE!

quote of the day

(Inspecting the pile of cut-up pancake pieces on his plate.)

LOOK, A TRAPEZOID!!!

koneechiwa

The little dude's fascination with miso soup spoons and pitagora suitchi is leading me to believe we've got some sort of Japanophile on our hands. If only I could find a Japanese immersion preschool, I'm sure he would love him some hikaru dorogdango. You, too, can make your own hikaru dorogdango!!

guess who's sleeping in a big-boy bed?

nothing like a crisp, fall, 90-degree day at the apple orchard

hot potato

Tonight we had dinner with Mike, Shannon and the cousins. There, the little man was introduced to the game of Hot Potato and he got pretty wound up just moments before we left.

On the way home, he couldn't stop saying "HOT POT-TA-TO!" Soon it evolved into "Hot po-puppy!" (who was also in the car with us). Then hot po-streetligh! hot po-duncan!... Then, I chimed in, "Hot po-target!" And of course, Papa couldn't resist joining in on the fun, "Hot po-blanket!" Soon followed by "Hot po-bridge!" On and on until we got home.

And who says the Hernandezeseseses don't know how to party?

little e's ipod playlist

Dr. Worm - They Might Be Giants
Interjections! - School House Rocks
Nine Planets - Justin Roberts
We're Going to Be Friends - The Whitestripes
Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
Blowin' Bubbles - Call and Response
Bob the Builder Theme
Eggs - The Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players
Lollipop - Chordettes
Octopus's Garden - The Beatles
Rad - Smoosh
The Wonderful Thing About Tiger - Disney
Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
C is for Cookie - Cookie Monster
Sleepwalkers - They Might Be Giants
Bed Bed Bed - They Might Be Giants
Lazyhead and Sleepybones - They Might Be Giants
I Am Not Your Broom - They Might Be Giants
Clap Your Hands - They Might Be Giants
The House at the Top of the Tree - They Might Be Giants
Where Do They Make Balloons - They Might Be Giants
No! - They Might Be Giants
Fibber Island - They Might Be Giants
Funky Town - Lipps, Inc.

a proud mama moment

Elian and I have been taking a little class where we spend some time playing together. Then there's some singing in a circle followed by snack time. After snack time, the parents go to a different room and the children play. There is an early childhood teacher and three assistant teachers who assist the children with various activities.

One of the best parts of the class is returning to the children's room after parent time and spying on Elian before he realizes I'm there. I love to see him interact with other people. Last week when I came into the room, he was sitting at a tiny table with one of the assistant teachers and two other children and he was treating them all to a delicious lunch of plastic food. (He had three plastic donuts on his plate. The other kids had vegetables and chicken -- SUCKERS!) Today when I came in, he was going head first down a little slide into a big cushy mat.

While we were gathering our stuff and getting ready to leave, Dorothy, the early childhood teacher said to me. "He's such a nice boy...he's so well-adjusted...he makes our jobs so easy...he's so polite...you've done such a great job with him" Then one of the assistants chimed in, "Oh yes, he's so polite..." and they went on and on just gushing about my boy. It was awesome with a capital A. I normally wouldn't be so braggy braggy, but I figure I'd better enjoy these moments (and brag about them) while I can. One day he's going to be in fifth grade and I suspect the teachers might have something else to report.

quote of the day

(Mid-diaper change.)

PUPPY LICKED MY BUM!!!!

the american idol auditions

Later that day...


And even after simon cowell made him cry, he still finds the strength to go on...

papa vs. mama

How you're like your Papa:
• Your lack of enthusiasm for putting on a Halloween costume
• Your preference for simple clothing (egs: plain slippers vs. ones shaped like animals)
• Your gigantic generous heart
• Your ability to draw (the fact that, at 2 1/2, you can render things so that they're recognizable is beyond amazing)
• Your sense of humor
• Your irritability around lots of people
• Your flair for impersonations
• Your food swings

How you're like your Mama (sorry, little dude):
• Your love for all things sugary
• Your lack of patience
• Your irritability around lots of people
• Your obssessive/compulsive behavior
• Your Super-Sonic Freaky Ears™
• You're not a big cuddler
• Your ease with which you get side tracked. But on the flip-side:
• The level of your frustration with putting something down when you're in the middle of it

How you're like neither of us:
• Your love for all things ball and sports
• Your flair for being social or playing mayor

kamikaze squirrels

What is it with squirrels these days?

I've never been a fan of the squirrel. I don't trust them. When I walk out the door, I half-expect one to pounce on my head and gnaw out my jugular. Maybe it's in my genes. Not that he would ever harm them, but my dad has worked his entire life to eradicate the persistent pests from his bird feeders. He's purchased every "squirrel resistant" bird feeder known to man. The most entertaining of which, has to be this one.

Maybe it's my imagination (or nightmare), but lately it seems like the squirrel population has quaddrupled. And through survival of the fittest, they've become far more fearless. Exhibit a: It used to be when I walked Norman, as we headed down the sidewalk, the squirrels would madly dart out of the way in every direction. Now they just sit there like they're just waiting for us. In fact, I know Norman could've had a big, fat tasty squirrel in his mouth on many occasions. But he doesn't even bother. They've taken the thrill of the hunt away from him. It's as if they're not even trying. Do they have some kind of death wish or is this all part of their master plan?? They just sit there on the bottom of the tree until Norman's teeth are two inches from their fluffy grey tails. Then they say, "dum, dee, dum...oh, I guess I'd better get a move on and scurry up this tree. I'm a squirrel afterall..."

This troubles me. If squirrels are no longer afraid of a big black dog, soon, they will no longer be afraid of us. And then what!?!?!? THEY TAKE OVER THE PLANET, THAT'S WHAT!!!!!!

quote of the day

(We're grocery shopping. I reach for a bag of raisins.)

"Awwww, it's my old friend Raisins."

quote of the day

(After spotting the soccer-ball cake pan in the cupboard.)

Mama, are you going to make me a soccer ball cake?

Yeah, maybe I can make you another one for your birthday...or a basketball!

RIGHT NOW!

Well, it's only September. Your birthday's not until January.

(5 minutes later.)

Mama, can we pretend it's January????

quote of the day: whutt-whoahhh

He asked me what college was. I told him it's where many people go to study what they want to be when they grow up. So then I asked him:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

A girl.

Hmmm, interesting.

Because then I can go potty and Mama can say, "Do you have a pee pee?"




Really, he does talk about different subject matter. Sometimes.

he fancies himself sophisticated

I always have to remind myself that my son is only two and a half. I think I imagine that he is far more sophisticated than he is. Sometimes when I read him a children's book, I expect him to react, "Please, don't insult me with this gibberish." Like the other night I was reading him this potty book I picked up from the library. I felt almost silly reading it to him. Like he couldn't believe I had picked out such idiotic juvenile reading material. Sometimes I imagine that he's giving me this look like, "what are you thinking?" I was almost surprised when he laughed out loud at the book and got excited that the main character's favorite color was blue "Just like Elian's!"

a tip for you

If you're ever driving and my son's in the car and he asks you if you saw something -- be it a tube, a slide, birds in a tree, what have you -- say yes. For the love of God, say yes.

Or you will pay.

a parental confession

Tonight I rigged a game of Candyland. To put an end to the longest god-forsaken game in the history of Candyland, I stacked the deck so that one small competitor would get the Princess Lollipop card, sending him clear across the board and very close to the rainbow finish line. Guess what? He won!

And so did I.

quote of the day

(While reading Henny Penny before nap, I got to the part where they introduce Turkey Lurkey.)

Turkey Lurkey? Does he eat Turkey?!?!?

I don't think so. If he's a turkey, he probably doesn't eat turkey.

(Pause. Blink. Blink.) Does he eat HIMSELF!?!?!?

Introducing, BOTM

You may recall a while back I announced a new Hernan-dos feature: Ball of the Week. Well, after sensing a lack of enthusiasm by my Official Ball Photographer, I was beginning to think it might not happen. I tried to spin it as a fun project, a photographic ball study if you will. But still, he didn't bite. There's nothing the husband enjoys more than my hair-brained schemes that involve more work on his part than my own. But what's this? A ball photo? And I didn't even have to nag. Much. So without further ado, I present the Ball of the Month (formerly Ball of the Week).

September's ball was purchased today by Papa. It's the second in the series of the boy's Halloween balls. When I asked Elian what he was going to call this one, without a moment's delay, he responded, "Boney." Boney allegedly glows in the dark but I'm thinking that was a lie. According to Elian, Boney bounces AND rolls. Ooooooh, look how spooky -- and boney.

the makings of a near-perfect weekend.

Usually for us, the best weekends are the ones that aren't planned. The fun things are decided last minute and everything just seems to fall into place. This was one of those weekends.

Here's what I'm talking about:
• A visit from out-of-town friends with lots of delicious Indian food and a banana-cream pie made by moi and my personal assistant (little e) featuring homemade pie crust made by Lempi.
• Breakfast at Elsie's where we felt young dining among the octogenarians and where little e got to witness "real, live" bowling as well as try his hand at pinball.
• Nobody had to work (until Sunday night)
• A nap on Saturday
• Dinner on a sidewalk overlooking the Mississippi with a great view of Elian's favorite star sign.
• Not one, but two St. Anthony Falls Heritage Trail walks over the Stone Arch Bridge and Hennepin bridges.


Here is my Minneapolis postcard shot.


See that sign with the star on it? That's elian's favorite sign. If you are ever driving downtown with him, he will make sure you see it.

"no i amn't"

Even when the little dude says things that are grammatically incorrect, they still make sense. Sort of. Take "No I amn't" for instance.

I think I will start incorporating this into my everyday speech.

"Are you available for a client meeting?"

"No, I amn't."

typical 2 year-old humor

Or is it? Jokes like these make me wonder if I'm living with a 2 year-old or the Last Comic Standing.

• The other night we were playing a family game of Candyland. When Norman decided to walk across the board game, Elian announced, "It's Puppyland!!!"

• He was playing the wooden flute that Grandma and Grandpa Schulz gave him when it "slipped" out of his hands. It "flewwwwttt" across the room. (And in case we didn't get it). It "fluuuuuu - tttttttttte" across the room. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Word play and bad puns. I think one day the boy will make a fine copywriter.

quote of the day

(This is not at all an unusual conversation these days. It is only quote-of-the-day worthy when you consider the volume at which the following was exchanged.)

(From the other room) MAMA!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!?!

I'M GOING POTTY!!!!!!!

DO YOU HAVE A PEE PEE, MAMA!?!?!?!?!?

NO, I'M A GIRL!! GIRLS DON'T HAVE PEE PEES!!!!!

(Hey neighbors, how's that for enlightenment?)

just in case you thought i was exaggerating his love for marble runs

Note: This is probably the 11th time he sent marbles down this run before I thought to get the camera out. So keep in mind, these are more subdued body spasms.

can you tell me how to get, how to get to crazy street?

Yesterday when I took Norman for a walk, I wore my Grover T-shirt. I like to wear that shirt, partly because I love Grover and partly because every time I wear it, I get a "Mahhh-ma!" from Elian (in the kind of tone that goes with eye rolling -- I can't wait to wear it to his high school basketball games).

So I'm walking along. I have my iPod on "shuffle all songs" which includes special-select songs for Elian. When "C is for Cookie" comes on, sung by the great Cookie Monster, I imagine myself getting mugged and the mugger's story that would follow: "Yeah, I got this iPod from a whacko lady wearing a Grover T-shirt listening to 'C is for Cookie'!!"

and then there's this

Like father.




Like Son.

his second home

This morning after we dropped Papa off at work, the little man came with me to drop something off to a client. A client whose offices just happen to be across the street from the Target Center, home to Minnesota's NBA basketball team.

There's a new restaurant there now called NBA City. He was pretty excited when he saw the signage, but not quite as excited as I thought he would be.

We really need to take him down there at night so he can see it in all its glory -- when the basketballs light up consecutively to give the illusion of a basket being made. I'm not sure what kind of fare they serve at NBA City. But I get the feeling there's a good chance we may be dining there in the future.

Next, we stopped for coffee and a muffin at a place where I sometimes do work. After scanning the cafe and seeing all of the worker drones conducting business on laptops and cell phones, I felt so lucky to be there with the coolest boss ever.

nobody loves him

Our little dude has a strange fear/dislike for Eyeore. Yes, Eyeore, the sad donkey friend of Winnie-the-Pooh.

I believe it began when Grandma Johnson put a little stuffed Eyeore on the crib when we visited one time. He insisted that we not only remove it from the crib, but TAKE IT DOWNSTAIRS!! So his next visit to Janesville, do you think he forgot? Not so much. TAKE IT DOWNSTAIRS!

So today we're eating our lunch and he asked me to feed him like a donkey. What? Doesn't every kid want to be fed like a donkey? After he made this request, I decided that maybe now would be a good time to test the Eyeore waters. So I said, "Should I pretend your Eyeore?" And with eyes to the floor, he solemnly says, "No."

And that was that.

no seagulls were left hungry

quote of the day

(Pulling the zipper down on my sweatshirt.)

Mama, what's on your shirt?

Those are stripes.

Why? Is that your FANCY shirt?

Yes, honey, sadly it is.

quote of the day

These quotes of the days are getting very difficult only because the little man says so many funny things all day long. It's so hard to keep track -- which I guess is all the more reason to keep doing quotes of the day, right?

(I picked up some sushi at the grocery store for lunch. We're sitting down. Me with sushi, Elian with PB&J.)

Him: Mama, do I like sushi?

Me: Well, I'm not sure.

Him: Can I try some?

(Normally, I'm on board to let him try just about anything once, but I'm not sure if raw fish is okay for toddlers.)

Me: Well, I don't know buddy, it's pretty spicy. (We use the spicy thing a lot.)

Him: Maybe when I get older I can have sushi? Mama will say, "Elian, do you want some sushi for lunch? And I'll say, 'okay! I DO want sushi'"

quote of the day

(Said with finger up nose.)

"I felt something!"

guess who went to work with papa?

Or maybe this is how we punish the boy. Forget the timeout -- get over there and put on your SPAM suit!!

can't...talk...eating...pie

quote of the day

(After waking up at 6 a.m. this morning)

"Buddy, why don't you go back to sleep -- the sun didn't even wake up yet."

"I want to watch Caillou."

"Calliou? You want to watch CAILLOU?"

"I wish I had a TV in my crib. That would be coolio."

lake withdrawal

We must be missing Lake Superior because this morning we decided to go out to breakfast and take a walk around Lake Harriet in our pre-Elian neighborhood. The little man got his fill of rock throwing and as we made our way around the lake, he treated fellow walkers to a chorus of whys and an unusual amount of puppy yelping.

We re-introduced him to the troll tree, home of Mr. Little Guy. Not that I want my little boy to grow up any faster, but I can't wait until he's old enough to get into the troll tree (maybe next year?). I think I would've peed my pants over it as a child given my love of little people. I only hope the beautiful soul who puts the time into performing the troll magic, doesn't lose interest by then. We found two ziplock baggies inside the tree with responses to kids who had left notes. We wondered if people realized they were notes from the troll as it seemed there were too many to have been left behind. Perhaps Mr. Little Guy just writes a chunk of responses at a time.

We passed the band shelter and consession house and Elian said, "Do they sell ice cream there?" Is it possible he remembered that from last year or did it just look like a place that sold ice cream? He is getting pretty savvy at recognizing places that house sweets.

There was some sort of race that was finishing up so there was a bit of hoopla around there. Free Naked juice samples, mini donuts, Famous Daves, climby thing with giant slide, and bouncing castle that Elian cautiously jumped in twice. I think we picked a good day to go.

it's humongous!

quote of the day

(On the way up north.)

Did you see that Mama?

Um, no buddy I missed it.

Did you see it?

No, I didn't see it.

Did you see that, Mama?

Yes buddy, I DID see it! THAT WAS SO COOL!

What was it?

D'oh!

why?

That is, was and will be the question.

The boy had been asking "why?" for a while. But he usually used "how?" with when I think he really meant "why?" And then we went up north. That's when he figured out the difference.

Pray for us.

north shore 2007

I have trouble writing about large chunks of time. That probably says something about my writing ability -- or my memory. I do better with little snippets. So rather than bore you with the details of our trip up north, I'll just say we had an incredible time.

We've been going to the same place for more than 10 years now. Every year we discover something new. And now, with the little man, our visit is a lot different than the times we used to while away the hours reading, doing jigsaw puzzles and crosswords, playing yatzee and doing a lot of napping. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Here are some of the highlights in photos. I'll add more photos and maybe some video once I get it off the camera.

You didn't think we were going to get away with not playing basketball, did you?


Can you say mini-me?


Just two handsome dudes sitting on the rocks.


Unfortunately, the train stopped running after Labor Day. Luckily, someone got over it.


His trademark gargoyle pose.


What's this? A BALL statue?

gone fishing

Tomorrow we leave for our annual trip up to the North Shore of Lake Superior (to an undisclosed location for any internet pervs out there). We return on Thursday and I'm sure there will be stories to tell -- especially if the boy's red spots don't clear up soon.

He's had a bad cold since Wednesday and has these mysterious red spots that keep appearing. The nurse I talked to today didn't seem overly concerned. We're just supposed to give him Benadryl and wait and see. At the very least we can expect to do a whole lot of booger wiping while we're up north. And here we had a really good streak of good health going for a while. Boo.

So hold on to your hats for lots of pictures of a spotty-faced, booger-nosed kid when we return. And who doesn't love pictures of that?

happy anniversary to us

Ten years ago today we moved to Minneapolis. I know this because ten years ago also today Lady Di was killed. We learned this when our U-Haul (here on named U-Suck) broke down at a gas station and Ed's friend Dingo who was helping us move, ran over to report this sad news.

So now we've been here 10 years. Wow. It only feels like three. Crap, we're old.

So c'mon Minneapolis, TEN FRIGGIN YEARS! What is that, like aluminum or diamonds or something? Pay up.

not afraid to say it first

broadcasting live over the baby monitor

"PBS kids dot org...PBS kids dot org...PBS kids dot org.."

Dare I say the boy might be watching a little too much Calliou?

HOTY

Ladies and gentlemen, we're pleased to announce this year's Husband of the Year award recipient. Drum roll please. (Dancing girls enter stage right).

Ed Hernandez!!

Can you say, "surprise birthday weekend IN CHICAGO?" Yes, the man tricked me. He done tricked me real good. After telling me his parents were coming for the weekend, he finally revealed that instead we were going to Chicago. As much as I love the in-laws and all, that option appealed to me slightly more.

And just when I thought I had been the recipient of the mother of all surprises, he got my whole family (except for my brother who apparently doesn't love me) to meet at Buca for a heart-attack-inducing surprise birthday dinner for me. "Why are we going to Buca when we're in this city chock-full of phenomenal restaurants?" I thought to myself. Then WHAMO! there's the entire Schulz family who made the drive from Racine and Milwaukee to partake in the celebration. Even my big nephews Matt and Sean who are usually way too cool for the likes of Aunt Amy. And this was all organized by none other than my husband, he-who-does-not-celebrate-birthdays.

But wait, that's not all, my friend. Lest you think there was no cake, there was. Oh, there was. In fact, he had ordered my favorite Danish Layer Cake from the O&H Bakery in Racine that my mom generously agreed to pick up and transport to the Windy City. Turns out relentless whining over cakeless birthdays does pay!

The Chicago Weekend Highlights:
• The surprise itself was pretty darn awesome.
• All the talk leading up to the arrival in Chicago -- how we were going to be on the Jerry Springer show because we had "something to tell each other" culiminating with Ed saying he had to remember to pack his diapers and his giant pacifier.
• Eating Thai food with Elian and witnessing his inner conflict with peanut satay. Mmmm, it's so sweet and delicious. No, wait, it's hot! Waa -- need water! (takes another bite) But wait, it's so sweet and delicious. Don't. Like. It. Hot, hot, hot! WATER! (takes another bite). Mmmmmmm, I LIKE IT!
• The architectural tour down the Chicago River after Elian one-by-one asked if each person standing in line loved him.
• Splashing in the fountain at Millenium Park and watching Papa bat the beach ball to the sky by the Frank Gehry amphitheater.
• Being admittedly a little disappointed to be dining at Buca, only to find nearly my entire family waiting at the table.
• Watching my fellow sweet tooth son, remove no fewer than three frosting flowers from the top of my birthday cake and pop them in his mouth.
• Swimming in the hotel pool way past the boy's bed time.
• Hearing Elian mention show and tell again and again only to realize more than halfway through our trip that he was referring to the hotel.

And the lowlights:
• Being held up at the airport on our way out because apparently someone on the "no fly" list has a name very similar to one of ours. Great.
• Forgetting our camera when we went to Millenium Park where photo ops abounded (not to mention, not having it later when we met up with my family for part two of the surprise).
• That Ed didn't take more pictures.

hi, i'm a mac

One of the boy's fondest memories has to be a trip to the Apple Store with Papa. Although I'm not sure how much of his enjoyment came from the actual Apple Store and how much came from the coin-operated vehicles in the food court -- or maybe it was the chocolate chip cookie they shared.

Anyhow, since the weather's been kind of yucky lately, we haven't gone outside much. And unfortunately for one little boy, some people can only take so much of the construction and deconstruction of marble things, towers, railroad tracks, what have you, in a day. So yesterday, I had an idea. "Hey buddy, wanna go to the Apple Store? -- Buddy? Buddy?" (He passed out from excitement.)

So we load up on quarters -- you know, the quarters you need for the coin-operated "Apple Store." I watch as he takes great pleasure and choosing only the biggest coins from his college fund (priorities, you know?). He takes a turn riding almost every vehicle while I notice that even though the vehicle changes, the simulated ride doesn't; it's pretty much the same motion whether it's a helicoptor, Mickey Mouse car, or Scoop from Bob the Builder. But what do you expect for 75 cents? Um, I kind of expect more, actually.

Next, we ride up and down the escalators. Then we do ourselves a little window shopping that goes a little something like this: "Do you like that, Mama?" "Oh, yes." "Do you like that Mama?" "Yes, I do --That's pretty!" "Do you like that Mama?" "Ohh, yes, the scent of cologne wafting from Abercrombie and Fitch, very nice."

Then, we wrap up our trip to the mall with a stop at the toddler play area. Last time we tried that, I think it was more stress than fun for the little man. All the other kids seemed so big around him at the time. But this time it was a whole different story. He was giggling, running, climbing and sweating right alongside the other munchkins. After about 1/2 hour, he was ready to go.

We never made it to the Apple Store. There was just too much other mall fun to be had. And that's probably the last time you'll ever hear those words come out of my mouth (or see them come off my fingers).

what herding cats must feel like

Today I attempted to teach my 2 1/2 year-old the game of Slap Jack.

Oh, and we also played badmitton indoors.

Need I say more?

quote of the day

After telling Papa he looked beautiful today, the little man said to me in the car:

"Mama, what's that in your hair?"

"Oh, it's just a little elastic thing to make a pony tail."

"It's cute!"

"Well, thank you."

"It's really nice, Mama."

(Keep in mind, this is only the same elastic thing that I wear in my hair almost EVERYSINGLEDAY. I think he might be up to something.)

and by the way...

I also just received a Hanna Andersson catalog in the mail. I had always dreamed of dressing in matchie-match fashion with my family (more specifically, my son). And I'm pleased to announce that now I CAN!

And don't think that I won't.

back to basics toys®, have you no mercy?

His wounds were just beginning to heal from the Great Marble Run Disappointment of 2007, when we get our new Back to Basics Toys catalog today.

We begin to page through it. Lahdee dah, dumdee dum. Then it was as if the brakes squealed and he turned back the page. Wait just one moment, what do we have here? It's MARBLE MANIA EXTREME!!! Complete with automatic lifter. There was a little crying when he realized the photo wasn't going to instantaneously materialize into the real thing. I tried to cheer him up by giving his elevator-less marble thing the major hard sell. "Buddy, we can build it up really high!...We can put a bunch of roundy-roundy things in it!"

He sat down to play with his very own marble thing. And as he sniffed back his tears, he said in the most pathetic sad voice, "Can we pretend it has an elevator?"

And because you can never hear enough about balls or marbles in this blog, here is the boy's new favorite video. How's this for a blast from the past?

quote of the day

(BACKGROUND: Recently I was asked what a duck's mouth was called. I said "A bill." Since then, I've been asked that question many times. The boy seems intrigued by the difference between a bird mouth, a beak, and a duck's mouth, a bill. Another sidenote: When he asks us what a body part is called, we don't lie.)

Now you're up to speed. So today we're reading a book before his nap.

ELIAN: (Pointing to a duck's bill): "Mama, what's this?"

MAMA: "What do you think it is?"

ELIAN: "A scrotum."

the overzealous sharer

Is there such thing as sharing too much? I like to think not. Rather maybe it's THE WAY something's shared that can seem off-putting.

Yesterday, after the little man had big-boy slept his way to the orange spot on his chart, I took him to Choo Choo Bobs. This is a haven full of little train-loving little boys who swarm around six train tables in the back like little ants. The boy LOVES Choo Choo Bobs. And he declared this love loudly and proudly several times while he was playing with the trains.

We always stress the importance of sharing. And after witnessing many of his encounters with other children, I'm beginning to think maybe we stress it a little too much. More than a few times, I saw him thrust a train car into a unsuspecting child's face and ask, "Do you wanna SHARE?!?! Do you wanna play with THIS!?!?!?" Clearly four out of five of them didn't because they looked at him as if he had just dangled a piece of poop in their face and walked away.

But it takes more than that kind of rejection to deter his sharing self. He just moves on, holding the Percy engine two inches from the next child's face, cocks his head to one side, looks them straight in the eye and says, "Do you wanna SHARE?!?!?" Even after he's been playing with the same train for a good five minutes, he'll point to the train and ask the child next to him, "Can I play with this?!?!?" Of course, to another child, that's just an invitation to grab that train right out of my little boy's hands. And when that happens there's never an argument, never a tear. He just goes on his merry way looking for a new train. At one point, his invitation to share was met with a sharp, "NO!" He looked at me and said, "Mama, he said 'No!'" and we both laughed. Oh, poor silly child who doesn't like to share. Then he declared, "Mama, I'm teaching the other kids to share!" (I'm sure the other moms loved that one).

I'd like to think we are entirely responsible for his "willingness" to share. But I have a feeling it's just part of his nature. The kid has a heart the size of a beachball.

a lunch conversation

He was eating peanut butter and jelly (duh!). I was eating Indian food. Here is what we said:

ELIAN: Can I try some of that Indian food?

MAMA: I don't think you'd like it buddy, it's pretty spicy.

ELIAN: I might like it. Can I try it?

MAMA: Okay, here's a little bite.

ELIAN: (The second it hits his mouth) Mmmm, I LIKE Indian food.

MAMA: You do? Do you want some more?

ELIAN: Not really.

sleepyhead station

Tonight when I put little e to bed, he gave me the usual stall tactics. Then there were the demands to see me upstairs. Stat. My second time back up there, I handed him his flashlight and told him the usual, "If you can't get to sleep, just play in your crib for a while," figuring that would ease some of the pressure.

After I was back downstairs for a while, I began to hear some strange noises over the monitor. Almost like he was building something. But he was quiet and seemingly content, so I let it go. I figured he was probably just knocking his flashlight on the side of his crib. He finally fell asleep.

Later, when I went upstairs to bed, I stopped in his room to give him a quick check. There by his head lay an impressive railroad track complete with signal and "T" track intersection. It's amazing how far those little tiny arms can stretch when they really want to reach something.

Just play in his crib a while he did. Indeed.

quote of the day

(After riding his tricycle down the sidewalk pretending to be Papa riding his bike to work.)

ELIAN: (Reaching the front porch of the house) "I'm at work now."

MAMA: "Really? What is it that you do at work?"

ELIAN: "I play ball with Dr. Hakim."


That's the kind of job I think I could really get on board with.

dualing guitars

I've heard of people bringing their work to a cafe before. But today two dudes sitting at a table next to me are jamming out on guitars. And they're not even part of the cafe entertainment.

Rock on, dudes. Rock on.

this just in

One faithful Hernan-dos reader found humor in sending me this image.

Let it be known: I am not amused.

the purple devil

Despite some attempts by people who shall be nameless to inflict Barney on my son, he remains unscathed. As far as I know, the only time he has ever seen Barney has been a nanosecond of a dvd preview that was quickly fast-forwarded over and this time. And that was more than a year ago -- and beyond our control.

Maybe it's not so much Barney I have the problem with. After all, sadly he has one of the more tolerable voices when it comes to characters aimed at children. I think it's his followers. Those kids with their creepy lip synching ways, exaggerated moves and plastic smiles. They sort of give me the willies -- like they're in some sort of Barney-induced trance.

So yesterday after Curious George had ended on Tivo, there was a quick moment of live TV before I turned it off. And guess who we see? AGHHHHHH! An intense sense of panick and alarm came over me as my inner voice said, "TURNITOFFTURNITOFFTURNITOFF!!!" And then he says, "What's that, mama?" I tried to play it cool. I knew what would happen if I expressed my displeasure with Barney; the same thing that happened when I expressed my dislike for reading Dick and Jane stories as in now he picks Dick and Jane EVERY TIME. I was all "Oh, this? Um, this is Barney... Wow, look at your marble thing!" But there he sat staring at the TV as Barney and his little Barney-kool-aid drinkers bopped along and sang about exercise. After letting him see about 20 seconds, I turned off the TV and suggested we made lunch. And there was no further word about Barney.

Until today. We were making peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches when he said as clear as day, "Let's watch Barney on TV." I played dumb. "Huh? Whuu? Who is the Barney of which you speak?" And he answered, "He's that guy -- a dinosaur..."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

P.S. In other related news, Papa took him shopping for Bandaids yesterday. He picked out the Backyardigans even though he's never seen the show before. Now he proudly points at his Bandaid and says, "it's the Backyardigans!" I can't wait until he starts seeing regular commercials actually TRYING to sell him something.

quote of the day

"I love my Band Aid!"

(Got his first official skinned knee today complete with blood. After witnessing his utter joy over wearing said Band Aid, I'm sure to be instituting Aunt Shannon's "No Blood, No Band Aid" policy in the future.)

giving his public what they want

I bet you're saying to yourself, I just don't hear enough about the boy's obsession with all things ball.

You're in luck, my friend. Hernan-dos is pleased to introduce the all-new Ball-of-the-Week feature (or BOTW for those of you playing at home).

Once I get my Official Ball Photographer on board with this, you will be treated to a ball (or several if it's a set) along with its nickname, where it came from, etc., once a week or thereabouts depending on the ambition level of myself and the Official Ball Photographer.

I KNOW, you can hardly wait -- can you!?!?!?

freaking his freak

We've been using a chart to motivate the little man to sleep at night. When he gets 10 stickers, he gets an extra special treat -- which means we are basically his parental slaves. Nine times out of ten, it means a trip to the Children's Museum. Aw, who am I kidding? EVERY time, it means a trip to the Children's Museum.

Last night when he went to bed, he was well aware that he was one sticker away from a visit to the sweet, sweet Children's Museum. Knowing that, he did succeed in sleeping like a big boy. But this morning, he didn't declare his victory over the chart as he usually does. He did not ask for a sticker. And he did not shout it to the hills that he in fact gets to go to the Children's Museum because he slept like a big boy. He forgot.

So this morning, we proceeded as usual. We ate breakfast. We got ready. Then we told him that we had to "do a few things". In the car, he kept asking where we were going and more importantly, "Do they have a ball there?" We gave him vague responses and continued driving. As we neared St. Paul and headed for the tunnel, he said, "This is sort of like the Children's Museum." Then, we turned the corner and he pointed at Mickey's Diner where we've eaten after the Children's Museum, "Did we go there after the Children's Museum?" As we got closer, "I see the Children's Museum!" And as we pulled into the parking ramp, "Is this the Children's Museum?"

"Yes, buddy, YES, SURPRISE, this is the Chidren's Museum! You slept like a big boy, you get to go to the Children's Museum today!!!"

What followed was the most hilarious happy-body contortion. I might even describe it as a little convulsion. It was quite awesome. Now he's napping. Undoubtedly dreaming with visions of George Rhoads kinetic scuptures dancing in his head.

ltb fairy

This morning when we went out for a tricycle ride, we found a large collection of Little Tiny Balls on the walk leading up to our front door. Where did they come from? Who put them there? We do not know.

Stay tuned...

the bridge

I didn't want to say anything about what happened in Minneapolis with the bridge. I mean, what can be said that hasn't been said already?

When things like this happen, every possible "what if" tends to run through your head. And the fact that we drove over that bridge twice yesterday doesn't help. Neither does my pre-existing condition of bridge anxiety.

next stop: tour de france

best. things. ever. volume 7

• The way you say yellow: yay-yo

• How you throw your towel off seconds after I dry you off and run streaking and screaming through the upstairs.

• How you sing along when I sing "Hush Little Baby."

• The way you say watch: wash

• Your penchant for imagination. Whether you're pretending to be this guy. Or this girl. Calliou. A spraying skunk. Or Ming-Ming in his cage.

• The way your brother (Norman) walks so slowly, careful not to pull, when he knows you're the one holding the leash.

• The way you point out orange for me EVERY TIME you see it, "Here's some orange for you, Mama." Because you know it's my favorite color.

• The look you get on your face when you're about to say something hilarious and how you sometimes get stuck and stutter performing the mental/verbal gymnastics of your joke.

• Your enthusiasm for playing fetch (or "Puppy Elian") that rivals Norman's -- especially when you have to lay down because you're too tired to run or because you have a sore hip like your brother.

• The way you say smoothie: smoovie.

big boy alert!

At risk of jinxing this (yet again), the little man both peed AND pooped on the potty last night and again this morning.

Big-boy undies, here we come!

the county fairy

Taken just moments after he proclaimed his love for the "county fairy". Sidenote: the Superman ball was the ball of choice for this ride. The others were leftovers from previous rides. We like to think of them as his own personal airbag.



This sheep freaked the shit out of the boy with his unusually loud baa-ing (or could it just be that we've never been this close to a baa-ing sheep before?).



And who doesn't love a baby cow?



Despite the look on his face, this pony ride was enjoyed so much more than last year's. (There were even tears when it ended with pleas to go on again.) Giddyup, cowboy small!



Note the "Caution-I-bite" sign in background.



As you can see from the crowd, we had to make our way through throngs of toddlers to get at this exciting game of skill and suspense.



His winnings. AKA: Crap I'll be hauling out to Goodwill in a few short months (along with the plastic kazoo picked up at the DFL booth).

quote of the day

(Driving home from zoo in bumper-to-bumper freeway traffic.)

Elian: Is this the way home mama?

Mama: Yep, we're going home?

Elian: Is this the way home mama?

Mama: Uh huh, this way!

Elian: Mama, is this the way home?

Mama: Yes, we're going home now. This way.

Elian: Is this the way home?

Mama: Yes, honey, this is the way home.

Elian: Is this the way home?

Mama: (Silence)

Elian: Mama, is this the way home?

Mama: Yep.

Elian: Is this the way home, Mama?

Mama: Yes.

Elian: Mama, are we going home?

Mama: Uh huh.

Elian: Is this the way home?

Mama: Yes, honey. This is the way home. We are going home right now. This way. Because this is the way home. This way? This is the way our home is. It's this way. We are going home. We are going in that direction. The direction of our home. Which is this way.

Elian: Mama, are you angry because I keep saying something?