it's a bird, it's a plane -- it's a football

For some reason, we get a lot of blimps in these parts. It just seems like lately you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one.

A couple months ago, there was this one blimp that was flying over downtown practically every day. I began to get sort of annoyed by it. I mean, when did blimps become so ubiquitous? Aren't they supposed to be some kind of novelty -- kind of a special sighting? Apparently not these days.

So today when we were at the park, what did we see? A blimp, of course. And it was circling precisely over our heads as if I was the sole target of its blimptastic Met Life message. It was probably the closest I've ever been to a blimp in flight. But when I pointed it out to little e, he seemed unimpressed. "It's a blimp -- a blimp!" I said. But he'd only turn his head the other way. So then I told him, "Look, a big football in the sky!" Ohh, you can bet he was paying attention then. But try as he did, he just couldn't reach the football.

best. things. ever. volume 4

• The way you say "O-tay" like Buckwheat from the Little Rascals.
• How when you mention cookies, we say, "Cookies?!?" and you reply "O-tay!" like it was our idea.
• On that same note, how you can have a completely agreeable conversation with yourself, "Ball?...Yesss...O-tay!"
• The somewhat peculiar zone you get into when you kick a ball around.
• How, at every meal, you add something from your tray to Norman's bowl and insist that he needs a cookie too.
• How you sing "Twinkle, Twinkle" as "Weeno, Weeno..." but pronounce the "up above..." part flawlessly.
• How the smell of your breath is changing to sweet baby breath to stinky kid breath.
• How you gleefully say "Hi!" at the top of your lungs to anyone we see on our walks -- despite how grumpy they look.
• How you randomly kiss trees and insist on throwing away each and every piece of garbage you find in the park.
• How you say, "Bye bye" to the babysitter the nanosecond I walk through the door.
• When you say, "Lap!"
• When we sing, "Twinkle, Twinkle little star" to you and you request more even before we've finished.
• How, no matter how hard I try, I can't stop touching your hair.

is it just me

or is the loudest talker always the talkiest talker?

is it just me?

or does every mother find herself, more often than not, serving as a human basketball hoop while she's going to the bathroom?

ladybug ball: the triumphant return

It was the first ball we ever purchased for little e so of course it had sentimental value. But it grew to be a favorite -- the ball of choice in the stroller, the playdate companion. Ladybug ball was special. It was just big enough. Functional as a ball, but not too bouncy to get away. Besides, what's not to like about a ball that looks like a ladybug?

But then LBB was gone. Sure, we lose balls all the time, but somehow they always manage to find us. Not this time. No, LBB had been missing quite a while. I sent out emails to our usual playdate friends, "Has anyone seen ladybug ball?" Sadly, no one had. But then it was revealed that Jenny and Sy were missing their ladybug ball too. Could there be some sort of ladybug ball theif roaming the streets? I shudder to think about it.

We thought it was gone forever. But our beloved ladybug ball has returned home. Okay, turns out, he never left. He was hiding inside papa's tool bucket. How did he get there? Here's a hint: As soon as LBB was returned to his rightful owner, rightful owner, with a big smile on his face, grabbed ladybug ball, threw him into the big orange tool bucket and said, "BAH-DEES!"*

* Translation: basket

potty mouth

Guess who got a new potty!

The past week or so, little e has been telling us at the precise moment when he's gone pee pee or poopies. He's also been showing more interest in watching us go to the bathroom. Now I know 19 months may be a little early to start potty training. But from what I've read/heard, kids start to show an interest when they're ready. And of course, I was ready to jump all over it.

I had visions of doing away with the diapers -- think of the land fill we're saving the earth! No more shlepping the gianormous box of Luvs to and fro! Oh, I was excited. So the other day, after little e announced he had just gone pee pee, I said, "Do you wanna go to the store and get a little potty -- so then you can go pee pee in the potty?" To which he replied with not a second of hesitation, "YESSSSSSSS!!!!!" Insert more visions of potty training glory here.

So we go to Target and he is so excited to pick out his new potty. All the way there he says, "Pee pee, potty." He even proudly announced it to the cashier as she rang it up. We bring it home and as I assemble it he does that running-in-place dance that Homer Simpson does when he's excited (Karen, you know that one, don't you??). "Mama, pee pee potty," he says.

So I get it assembled. We put it in the bathroom. I take off his diaper and I would be lying if I said I didn't at least half expect him to jump and the potty and go pee pee. Alas, that didn't happen. Here's what did happen. He was a little hesitant to sit on it. I could tell he really wanted to, but he was scared. I didn't want to push it. I was just happy he was taking an interest in it. He'd sit on the edge, but as I lifted him to sit him further back, he'd get very nervous. It was that hole that threw him off. This went on for a while and still I didn't push it, I just let him get familiar with it. And familiar he became.

I'd like to end this story by saying that he eventually went pee pee in the potty, but he didn't. Yeah, he's a big talker what with his pee pee in the potty. In fact, since I bought the potty, he has not once even announced that he's gone pee pee or poopies. He still does seem a little interested in the fact that he now has his very own potty, but he's not quite sure what to do with it.

At least the purchase hasn't been all for naught.

come january i will be bald

We've spent a lot of time outside this summer. A LOT of time. We've gone to the park pretty much every day. And now that it's been a little rainy and yucky the past few days, we haven't been outside as much. Once winter rolls around, how are we going to spend most of the time "ya" (inside) as opposed to "ya" (outside)"? Now that Raisin's seen gay Par-eeh, there's going to be no keeping him down on the farm. I'm not sure what we're going to do, but I'm sure it's going to involve some pulling out of the hair.

Maybe we can play some nice quiet games of chess. Or maybe I can buy one of those gerbil wheels -- do they make those in toddler size?

like every mother, i think my child is a genius

and here are the reasons why:

• His vocabulary alone is impressive. At his 18-month checkup they asked if he knew at least three words. Um, chya?!? He knows like eight bazillion. I couldn't even begin to list them all.
•• He is combining words into almost sentences. One of my favorites: "Too big. Cut." (Stay tuned for a future post about how maybe not like every mother, I think my child has textbook OCD.)
• He has announced on more than one occasion, both in the car and while walking, that we were close to home. And he was right.
• He has a wicked sense of humor. Take this for example.
Mama: "What do you want for breakfast?"
Little e: "Eat mama." (followed by laughter and attempts to sink teeth into mama's arm.)
Other variations includ: Eat papa. Eat Norman. Eat sky...
Yeah, see what I mean? The kid is funny.
• He already has a grasp of adjectives and their meanings: in, out, up, down, big, small, messy, high, wet...
• He can identify the following colors: yellow, blue, red, green, purple
• He can, quite accurately, fill in the blank with numbers as we count up to ten or fifteen depending on his mood.
• He pronounces words correctly in the possessive form: Papa's, Mama's, etc.
• And when he's talking in plural, he usually adds the "s" on at the end.
• There are so many more things that blow my mind every day. But of course, I can't remember them all because unlike my son, I do not have a mind like a steel trap.

For any of my family who might be reading this, I'm not trying to be a big fat bragger because hell, probably all my nieces and nephews were doing this too and I just didn't pay much attention because it wasn't my child. I just wanted to get it all down before I forgot -- I know I've already forgotten a lot.

Maybe he'll get to be two and not learn anything more and be forever stuck at this level -- that would show me! I really wouldn't want him to be a super-genius anyway. That would suck -- having a kid who's smarter than you, pointing out all your bad grammar and shit. I can hear the conversation now, "Why hello, mother, say, can we discuss how ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny?" Um, yeah, go ask your father...

But I mean c'mon, just look at the mad-scientist hair.

note to self

Do not let boy hold pen while sitting on lap to watch downloaded video footage of himself.

great moments in balls

Today as we made our way home kicking the ball through the park, we stopped to watch some soccer fellas practicing their drills. Little e sat in my lap and we watched for a longer than you'd expect would hold a 19-month old child's attention. He was their cheering squad belting out loud Ohhhhhhhhhs and Doasssses (for close) at missed goals and GOAL!! when they made it in. I can support his enthusiasm for sports, but I sincerely hope he doesn't turn into one of those loud, foam-finger-waving, beer-tossing, face-painting, bare-belly-in-winter fans.

In other soccer-related new, little e has also taken to doing cone drills in the park after seeing kids do them on a Blue's Clues soccer episode.

bliss

Can you say one and a half hour hot stone massage? I have a new hero and thy name is Burnell.

Thank you dear husband and son for a most awesome Mother's Day gift.

I can no longer type as I'm a pile of mush.

two cute things

Last night I was stroking little e's pudgy leg while reading him a story before bed. He's not one for the cuddles, or the touching for that matter. So he picked up my hand and sort of pushed it away with a "eughghghhh..." I know how to take a hint. so I said, "Okay, mama won't touch you" and I pulled my hand away. Then, you know what he did? He took my hand in his, put it on his pudgy little leg and said, "Mama, touch." I could've just died right there.

Then, this morning, Ed had this to report. He had taken Norman and little e to the park. While throwing the ball for Norman, he kept an eye on little e as he did his usual sprint down the soccer field toward the goal. After fetching the ball, Norman stopped midway, dropped the ball, and went in to full on sniffing/searching panic mode in search of little e who was no longer where he had last seen him. Perhaps you can't appreciate the significance of this. Norman DROPPED the ball in search of the boy who is forever tormenting him. I know! I think I need a tissue now.

fair game

One of my favorite things in the world to do is go to a county fair. I love it all -- the smell of the barns, my annual corn dog (always from the most reputable looking corn-dog dealer), the precarious nature of the carnival rides, the games... And it turns out our little man is a fan of the county fair too.

The only downside to this year's fair was that they didn't have the water-squirting game where Ed and I have been known to kick water-squirting-butt and bag the coveted plush stuffed animal prize. But as the county fair robinhoods, we've made it our mission in the past to give it to some poor child who we mopped up in the spirit of competition. The kid who actually WANTED the stuffed animal -- yeah, like they were really going to win it with the likes of us behind the water pistols blowing up those clown noses. So there was no water squirting game for us to win. But it's a good thing, because now that we have a child of our own, it would've been a little harder to give it away. The funny thing was that a man came up to us and gave HIS little stuffed to little e. Little e was unimpressed. "This aint no ball, mister" I think I heard him say.

As soon as we entered the fairgrounds, the boy decided he really needed a balloon. Since we refused to give him one with the republican elephant -- or right-wing agenda (it seems they favor the balloon medium) -- on it, we had to stalk several people carrying plain balloons and ask them where they got them. We eventually found them clear across the fairgrounds where we came in. I've never seen a balloon make a boy so happy. See?


There was a lot of whoah-whoah-whoahing with steering wheels of old tractors.


Some feeding of the "doats." At one point we were informed that his finger was "STUHHK" (in the doat's mouth).


And, of course, the first pony ride. Why, yes, that is a look of terror. It seems he hasn't inherited his mama's love for horses.

mr. trump, is that you?

By popular demand (of Mark & Amy), here is some footage of our little man enthusiastically saving up for college. By the way, last time we cashed in that jar of coins (aka: the college fund) it was more than $300.

If there's anything you want to perform like a trained monkey, the Hernan-dos request line is open.

football vs. soccer

It was another trip to the park today with another round of: Run. Throw. Pickup. Run. Throw. Pickup. I started to feel like that guy in the Volkswagon ad who has the kids running up and down hills to wear them out.

Here's the boy's solution for the whole soccer vs. football name discrepency -- combine the two! The clip's a little long, but the "GOAL!" at the end makes it well worth the wait. What? It doesn't? Sorry. He's still working on his endzone touchdown dance. One of these days, I'll sit down with iMovie and learn how to edit my clips. Really, I will.


And in case you didn't believe me about the tree kissing, there's this one. And I swear, it was totally unstaged. I was just looking to get footage from our walk home.

ball du jour

tree kisser

This morning little e and I walked to the park. On the way he stopped to kiss three trees. When we got to the park, he picked up a random discarded bottle top and quickly charged toward the garbage can to throw it away. He's going to make a good little environmentalist.

His big thing now is kicking a ball back and forth across the soccer field into the goals. Sounds easy but let's see you try it when your legs are about an arm's length. And these aren't little mamby-pamby kiddy soccer fields, they're big-people soccer fields with big-people goals.

After that we headed over to the playground where we played on pretty much every piece of equipment it had to offer. With lots and lots of time spent on the slide in particular. Just as we were getting ready to leave, we met a little German boy named Leopold and his mom. (Note: Leaving the park is easier done when the boy rides in his stroller -- getting him to stop all the fun to walk home is another soccer ball of wax.) E didn't know what to think of this Leopold kid -- or "ol' ball stealer" as we like to call him -- but after a few thousand times down the slide and the ball exchanging hands, they were fast friends.

Fast forward to more than TWO HOURS LATER.

Only one tree got a kiss on our way home.

traveling

Don't laugh. I heard Michael Jordan got started with moves like these. And the heavy breathing? It helps get him into the zone.

girls rule, boys drool

I am just now coming out of my relaxation coma from a glorious girls' weekend in Wisconsin.

I spent three, count 'em three, nights with my pal Amy at her parents' luxurious house on a lake. Yes, that's right, HOUSE on a LAKE where I slept in a gianormous king-sized bed with about 18 fluffy pillows and had my own private bathroom. What more do you need? I'll tell ya. To make your girly-girl weekend complete, you also need some trashy tabloid magazines, some pick-a-mix Brachs candies, some Oreos, some teeny-tiny minty balls of ice cream, a manicure, a pedicure, a few good chick flicks, three solid nights of sleep and lots of giggling. Then if you're extra lucky, your awesome pal might chauffeur you around the lake in a pontoon boat while you lie back and let the waves lull you into a state of bliss.

Important things I decided after this weekend:
1. I miss my boys when I'm away from them.
2. Rocky Rococo's pizza is not quite as delicious as I remember.
3. Ditto for Lollies.
4. I could get used to living in a house on a lake.
5. Keira Knightly and Kate Bosworth could really use a sandwich.