big boy alert!

At risk of jinxing this (yet again), the little man both peed AND pooped on the potty last night and again this morning.

Big-boy undies, here we come!

the county fairy

Taken just moments after he proclaimed his love for the "county fairy". Sidenote: the Superman ball was the ball of choice for this ride. The others were leftovers from previous rides. We like to think of them as his own personal airbag.



This sheep freaked the shit out of the boy with his unusually loud baa-ing (or could it just be that we've never been this close to a baa-ing sheep before?).



And who doesn't love a baby cow?



Despite the look on his face, this pony ride was enjoyed so much more than last year's. (There were even tears when it ended with pleas to go on again.) Giddyup, cowboy small!



Note the "Caution-I-bite" sign in background.



As you can see from the crowd, we had to make our way through throngs of toddlers to get at this exciting game of skill and suspense.



His winnings. AKA: Crap I'll be hauling out to Goodwill in a few short months (along with the plastic kazoo picked up at the DFL booth).

quote of the day

(Driving home from zoo in bumper-to-bumper freeway traffic.)

Elian: Is this the way home mama?

Mama: Yep, we're going home?

Elian: Is this the way home mama?

Mama: Uh huh, this way!

Elian: Mama, is this the way home?

Mama: Yes, we're going home now. This way.

Elian: Is this the way home?

Mama: Yes, honey, this is the way home.

Elian: Is this the way home?

Mama: (Silence)

Elian: Mama, is this the way home?

Mama: Yep.

Elian: Is this the way home, Mama?

Mama: Yes.

Elian: Mama, are we going home?

Mama: Uh huh.

Elian: Is this the way home?

Mama: Yes, honey. This is the way home. We are going home right now. This way. Because this is the way home. This way? This is the way our home is. It's this way. We are going home. We are going in that direction. The direction of our home. Which is this way.

Elian: Mama, are you angry because I keep saying something?

quote of the day

"I want to go home. I like our home -- 'cause it's hot." (And I don't think he meant it in a Paris-Hilton sort of way.)

a note to the fellas

If you're at a cafe with a 100+-capacity and only one bathroom that requires a key, now is not the time to catch up on your news reading -- IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

luck be a lady (more specifically, me)

I rarely buy lottery tickets. I can probably count the number of times I've actually purchased one on one hand -- or three fingers. But something came over me on our drive home Sunday. And when we stopped to get gas, before I knew it, I was saying to the cashier, "One Powerball ticket please." Handing it to me he said, "Here's your lucky ticket" with a twinkle in his eye.

There was something magical about the way he said it. Almost Willy Wonka-ish. And I'm not reading into anything AT ALL. Then, I look at the ticket and the big letter next to all the numbers is an "A". Hey, my name starts with the letter A! And the first number is 17 -- which happens to be my lucky number. (Yes, I DO have a lucky number -- going back to the day of our church's Fun-d-Fest carnival when I put my ticket on lucky 17 on the roulette wheel and won a hideous, carnival-quality stuffed clydesdale horse.)

So the way I figure I've got this Powerball thing all wrapped up. After tomorrow when they announce the winners, I will surely be posting to you live from some exotic location.

If I can only remember where I put the #*%$@ ticket.

quote of the day

(Heard while eavesdropping on a conversation between the little man and the kind lady who was bagging our groceries.)

Elian: "Do you have balls at home?"

Employee: "Balls, sure I have some for my grandbabies..."

Elian: "Do you have big ones? I have some big, big ones. And I have teeny tiny ones too."

Employee: "Oh, you do? That's great!"

Elian: "Do you have a basketball at your house?"

Employee: "Yes, I have lots of balls for my grandbabies..."

Elian: "Do you have a marble thing at your house?"

Elian: "One that goes, round n' round n' round n' round n' round. BLOOP! in the hole?"

Employee: "Do I have what?"

Elian: "Do you have a marble thing? I have a marble thing...one that goes, round n' round n' round n' round n' round..."

Employee: "Boy, sounds like you have a lot of things at your house."

Elian: "Do you have a Home Depot by your house?"

Employee: (BLINK, BLINK)

Elian: "Do you have a grocery store by your house?"



(At this point the woman's eyes are glassed over and she's moved on to the next customer with great relief.)

the mailman, the hero

We returned home this weekend to find a box on the porch. It was the "marble thing". Well, not exactly the same marble thing Ed had ordered. That one apparently was being shipped (or not shipped) by the pony express and we all lost patience. So a new marble thing was ordered.

So, now the boy is pleased as punch -- he loves his new ball thing. And apparently now he loves the mailman too.

Since yesterday, it's been nothing but:
"The nice MAILMAN brought me this ball thing...isn't this a great ball thing that the MAILMAN brought me???...What a nice MAILMAN!!!!"

he's turning japanese

This, my friends, is better than Clifford. Better than Curious George. And yes, even better than Calliou. Now, if only we could get it on DVD.

All together now, "A tock ow noch su-eechie!"

dear good people of dyson

Hypothetically speaking, say you've got a son and he enjoys marbles. Let's say he enjoys them so much that in his excitement, he often drops them, leaving them to roll under the sofa and credenza?

See where I'm going?

I have a product idea for you that I'm willing to give you for FREE. Yes, FREE! Let's call it a Patented Marble-Filter Attachment™. You place it on the end of your extension wand (note to my five readers: I did not make this term up -- I've written my fair-share of vacuum-cleaner copy.) And through the magic of your incredible Dyson technology, it picks up the dust bunnies, dog-hair tumbleweeds, what-have-you, leaving the marbles behind. Nice, huh? I know! You don't see Hoover with a marble filter attachment, do you?

If that doesn't grab you, how about a infrared sensor that sends a signal indicating you're about to suck up your son's prized marble (aka: Funky Ball).

You're welcome in advanced.

Signed,
Your Biggest Fan

P.S. BONUS PROMOTIONAL IDEA! You've heard of Bikram yoga haven't you? Now that the weather's warming up again, I've taken to Bikram vacuuming.

question

Why would Mother Nature choose to make peas the precise size that would fit snuggly inside a toddler's nose?

Just wondering.

peekaboo!

This pose was inspired by the awesome book Stray Dog given to him by Aunt Shannon, Uncle Mike and his cousins Lilah, Emma and Gavin.

If there's one thing the kid loves, it's a peeking animal -- even better if it's a dog with suds on its head.

quote of the day (sort of)

Today while practicing on the potty, the little man told me that when/if he did in fact ever pee, he wanted me to take a movie of it so he could watch it on the computer.

What did we ever do before YouTube?

And speaking of YouTube. The boy has discovered his own little marble porn on the site. It turns out if you do a search for "marble run" you'll find oodles and oodles of videos to inspire you and to develop an extreme case of MARBLE-THING MADNESS!

quote of the day

(I trust that the husband wasn't lying when he told me this. Even if he was, I don't care.)

Raisin: I love Mama, Papa.

Papa: Oh yeah, what do you love about her?

Raisin: I love to kiss her. When we get home, I'm going to give her a big kiss.



Now, I have to go get a tissue. Sniff.

I have the best little boy ever. EVER.

ed, get back to work!

ice cream vs. lollipops

when 1+1 does not equal 2

While assembling ingredients for our lunch creation -- the newest genius idea (or so I though) brought to you by mama.

Elian: I LOVE English Muffins.

Mama: I KNOW you do -- that's why I thought you might like this...

Elian: (Dipping the spoon into the tomato sauce and licking the drippings) I LOVE sauce... mmmmmmmm.

Mama: I KNOW you do. Just wait, it gets better.

Elian: (As mama cuts up teeny tiny pieces of brocolli). Oooooh, brocolli (picks a piece up and swallows whole). Mmmm, carrots... and peas...

Mama: Now let's put the cheese on.

Elian: (Taking a handful of shredded mozerella and shoving into his mouth) I LOVE cheese.

Mama: Okay, now we'll just put them in the oven for a few minutes and they'll be done.

Elian: I WANT THEM NOW!!!


(Flash forward to a few minutes later. The adorable little English muffin pizzas are out of the oven. I've cut one up and it sits on his plate with the exact ingredients as above.)

Elian: (Takes two bites) I don't like it.

The moral of the story? Don't even try to serve him something other than peanut butter and jelly for lunch.

The End

quote of the day

(Obeying his command to watch Calliou, there was a momentary flash of live TV when I slipped in the DVD. And it was a GROWNUP show.)

Mama: (Thinking) Well lookee here, if it isn't Martha Stewart and Lindsey Lohan baking up some profiteroles. This can be nothing short of entertaining.

Raisin: What are they making, Mama?

Mama: Profiteroles.

Raisin: (Making a bee-line to the kitchen and sobbing) I want to make feet-rolls!!!

Mama: Well, I don't think we have all the ingredients and I'm not sure how to make them. Let's watch and find out.

Raisin: I think you take the cookie dough. (Making mixing movements with his hands) And MIX it all up. And maybe some sugar...some flour...We have the ingredients!!

P.S. I realize this is more than "a quote." Here at Hernan-dos, we use the term very loosely.

things i've tripled my consumption of now that i have a kid

1. Pancakes

2. Ice cream

3. Graham cracker sticks (actually, I don't remember EVER eating these before having a kid)

4. Peanut butter & jelly

5. Tootsie Pops®

Let the records show, I seriously need to get on a treadmill. (Coincidentally, I've decreased my exercise threefold since having a kid. And soon I will have to bathe myself with a sponge on a stick."Marge, where is my fat-guy hat?")

when he grows up, he wants to be a...

A mailman. Because then he could bring a "ball thing" to all the boys and girls.

This new fascination with the mailman started last week when we received a toy catalog in the mail. One of my favorite things to do with Elian is to look through toy catalogs with him. But now that he sort of grasps the idea that you can actually GET the things in the catalog, it's added a whole new dimension of frustration to his world.

We were casually paging through the toy catalog when I pointed out a marble run much like his but a little more elaborate with an elevator that actually lifted the marbles to the top. We had talked about buying him add-on pieces to his marble thing since he plays with that toy so much. It looked like this marble thing was compatible with the one we had. So I thought, heck, it's only $29.99, maybe we should just buy it. And since his gift-getting opportunities (Christmas and birthday) are blown within two months, he doesn't get many fresh toys throughout the year.

So when Papa gets home, he shows it to him and Papa and I discuss the pros and cons to that marble thing. Later that night, I return home from walking Norman to find Elian and Papa perusing the World Wide Web in search of the perfect marble thing. Apparently they found it -- and it was ordered. Apparently also, the people at this marble-thing company are the slowest order-fulfillers the world has ever known. Every day since then, the boy has woken up inquiring about a visit from the mailman. Every day we have to tell him it's not coming (Ed hasn't received notice of its shipment yet). And every day there are tears.

The worst part about it, is now, somehow he's a little confused and thinks he's getting the one with the elevator. But he eventually picked one out online that did not have an elevator. Hopefully he'll forget by the time the one they ordered arrives.

If it ever does.

next stop, the teeter-totter

Did I tell you the little boy has MASTERED the tornado slide?

He's no longer afraid (at least not this week). He goes down again and again without the slightest bit of hesitation. And the best part? He did it all by himself. One day last week he just decided he was going to do it and he did. Again and again.

Hooray for my little boy!

how to turn me into goo

Say any of the following over the baby monitor:

1. Wipe my tears.

2. I want to snuggle with you Mama.

3. Make me feel better.

4. Mama, I love you!

and you wanna know what's gross?

Changing a poopy diaper in 97-degree weather.

now starring in his very own tide commercial

I thought Elian might enjoy some grape juice for a change. He tried it today for the first time in a long while. The very first sip came oozing out of his mouth and down the front of his shirt.

Then, while helping Papa make pizza on the grill this evening, he dripped about two tablespoons of tomato juice sauce down the front.

Had to use practically a whole stick of shout on that baby.

here, kitty kitty

One of my favorite things to do with the little man is to go to Petsmart (or the poor man's zoo as I like to call it). We've developed a regular routine on these trips and it goes a little something like this:

First we check out any critters of interest in the fish/bird/reptile section. Today it was guinea pigs based on Elian's newfound love of Wonder Pets. We also sought out a turtle (aka: Tuck in Wonder Pets) but he wasn't very exciting. Perhaps he was resting up for his next big adventure of saving a baby swan or something.

Then, we go check out the kitty-cats up for adoption. I've never really been a cat person but every time we do this I'm a microscopic allergy-causing pet dander away from adopting one -- or all of them. Elian speaks in this sweet, high-pitched, adoring voice as he gently strokes the kitty-cats through the bars of the cage while I give him the lowdown on each cat. Today, we almost missed one down at the end and he said, "Maybe he needs some love." And it turned out he did. So run, don't walk and adopt yourself one of those cats -- they're cute and cuddly! And speaking of cute, have you seen this?

Next, we make our way down the aisle for the real reason we came to the store in the first place -- to buy the dog food. Along the way, Elian tries to move giant bags of the dry stuff as he mimicks my grunting sounds, "Ugh, that's HEAVY."

What comes next is Elian's favorite part (next to the kitty-cats): The perusal of the dog-toy aisle. He especially enjoys this because all of the rubber balls are at his level. As he fondles each one lovingly, he contemplates which one he'd want to take home for himself, er, he means, Norman.

Last, but not least, our trip usually involves selecting some sort of delicious surprise treat for Norman. Today, since we are hosting Duncan for a visit, we chose two giant peanut-butter flavor cookies -- the mailman for Duncan, the cat for Norman. They even let us unwrap them before they swallowed them almost whole.

more beans

It appears the boy is a master gardener. His bean plant is producing a bountiful crop. Today he ate two for lunch. Here are some photos of him posing with last week's harvest. Farmers Market, here we come!!

"cavin" by a lake

Elian and I spent a few days at a cabin with most of my family and his cousins. And Ed spent four glorious nag-free days with his pals Tony Soprano and D-money.

Here are some pictures. Had Ed been there, they'd be much better. Damn it, they're still going in sideways. What the hell?















(please note the civilized child.)

quote of the day

Today Elian had a substitute babysitter (his usual sitter's sister). The following conversation took place shortly after I returned home from work.

Mama: "How did things with Emily go?"

Elian: "Good. (Pause). (Pause). I touched her boobies!"