quote of the day

(IN MAKEUP ROOM WITH PAPA AND THE HOT MAKEUP ARTIST AT THE PHOTO STUDIO.)

HMA: "Wow you've got such nice curly hair."

ELIAN: "What kind of hair do you have?"

HMA: "I've got straight hair."

ELIAN: "Papa's got bald."

america's next top model (or not)

Today little e made his modeling debut for a zoo campaign Papa's working on. I have mixed feelings about the whole child modeling thing. But it sounded like it could be fun and I was very curious to see if the little man would actually cooperate. Besides, I figured one time would be pretty harmless.

We arrived at the photo studio and he was whisked away into the makeup room. Let's just try to see them cover up that big scab/goose egg he got over the weekend, I thought. The shoot itself was pretty humorous. I held on to him and he was supposed to look straight into the camera. Only problem was, every time the flash went off, he would blink. So they got lots and lots of photos of half-closed eyes.

He was a good sport. And I figured, as long as he was having fun, it was okay. But he got tired of it awfully fast (coincidentally it was about the time he saw the large bowl of M&Ms on a nearby table) so we called it quits and didn't resort to using toothpicks to pry his eyes open. Luckily there was a very cute backup kid who DIDN'T blink every time the flash went off. So much for early retirement.

I'll post any decent pictures that come out of it once Ed gets them back. And of course, if they're able to use his mug the campaign, I'll post that too.

Now on to the pageant circuit!

if you can look at these pictures and not feel all warm inside, then well, you simply have no soul

Today the little man went on his first field trip -- to a farm -- and I got to go too. He was very excited to ride the school bus. On the ride back, he didn't even want to sit with me, but instead chose to sit next to a little boy and girl clear out of mama's view. I didn't cry. Much. Not that I'm going to do this, but I can almost see why some people keep having more and more kids. When they get to be a certain age, you start to realize that they're not going to be small for very long and you can't imagine life without a little person.

the hole truth

This past weekend marked the debut of Ed's mini-golf hole at the Walker on the Green. The event kicked off with a nice little VIP par-tay Friday night. I felt like I was married to a rock star.

My family just happened to be in town for their traditional Memorial Day Weekend visit, so they all got to play the course on Sunday.

This morning Ed had to go down to the Walker bright and early because the news crew was there. Before he left out the door, I gave him this sage advice: Don't say anything stupid.

quote of the day

Mama, I had a dream that you were throwing the ball for Norman -- and it landed in my ear!

dream big

This morning, I asked Elian if he wanted to do a wishbone I had saved from a chicken I roasted the other night. He had done one before with me, but I gave him a refresher course.

MAMA: "You hold one side, and I hold the other. We both make a wish, then pull. Whoever gets the bigger piece gets their wish to come true."

(I can see him thinking deeply about this.)

MAMA: "Okay, so think about your wish..."

ELIAN: (In a barely audible whisper) "watch TV..."

We break the wishbone and he wins. And by the power of the almighty wishbone, I truly believe his wish will actually come true at some point today.

quote of the day

Mama, for my next birthday, can we have my party at a billiard hall?

baby picasso

Here's a self portrait Elian did on his Doodle Pro.

happy birthday, puppers and papa!

This weekend the little man and I baked up a storm.

Peanut butter heart-shaped dog treats for Norman:



And chocolate melty cakes for Papa:


Elian couldn't fathom why anybody would want tiny little cakes instead of a big ol' birthday cake shaped like a ball -- until he tried one. Tonight, in anticipation of his second chocolate melty cake experience, he had a melt down (no pun intended) The time to pre-heat the oven on top of the eight minutes of baking were just too much to bare. OH, THE INHUMANITY!

i have a brilliant idea for combatting deforestation

Limit each pre-schooler to TWO art projects per class.

tourettes quote of the day

GREMLINS!

(Later) Mama, what are gremlins?

and the obsession with smoking continues

The other night we were reading Little Toot, when he observed that Little Toot's brand-new candy-stick smokestack resembled a cigarette butt.

Then, on the way home today, he spotted a dude with an unidentified object hanging out of his mouth.
"What's that?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe he was using his mouth to hold onto something."
"I think it's a cigarette."

The drive continued.
"Who smokes, Mama?"
"I don't know...Mama and Papa don't smoke...your cousins don't smoke...your grandmas and grandpas don't smoke..."
"Cruella Daville smokes, Santa smokes...and Todd*."




* Neighbor.

tourettes quote of the day

DENTAL FLOSS!

quote of the day

"I'm eating Nerds for my teeth will sparkle."

the show & share phenomenon

Elian has "Show and Share" at playschool every Wednesday. Every Wednesday we go through the same debate about what to bring. The interesting part is, he never picks anything he actually plays with (sorry Aunt Karen and Uncle Mike, I know I recently told you both he brought something you gave him to Show and Share).

He scrambles around the house, "hmmm, should I bring this?...what can I say about it?..." Then I feed him about two or three sentences of script he could use for his big presentation. We'll usually just have settled on something. Then, at the last minute, in a panic, he goes for something else. Today he wanted to bring something he already showed and shared. Normally, I probably would have let this slide, only he just brought this particular toy LAST WEEK.

I would love to be a fly on the wall at Show and Share -- oh, to hear what the boy tells his classmate about this toy he never plays with. Today, when I picked him up, I asked him how Show and Share went -- what did he say about the little blue tractor he brought? His response? "I said, 'Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...'"

Somehow, I don't think that is so far from the truth.

the good news: my face is now 99.9% bacteria free

We just got our bathroom ceiling and wall replastered. To ready the room for Mr. Plaster Guy, we removed all our toiletry items. This morning, I reached into the bag of removed contents and grabbed what I thought was this facial cleanser.



I gave the bottle two pumps and began to spread it over my face. Then I smelled the potent stench of rubbing alcohol and I realized I grabbed the wrong bottle. What I was using on my already prone-to-dryness, aged and wrinkling delicate face was this:



Nice.

what a drive in the car has become*

ELIAN: What does that say?

MAMA: Left turn only.

ELIAN: What does that mean?

MAMA: Cars can only turn left from that lane.

ELIAN: What's a lane?

MAMA: That part of the street.

ELIAN: What does that say?

MAMA: No turn on red.

ELIAN: Why?

MAMA: Because they don't want you to turn right when the light is red.

ELIAN: Why?

MAMA: Because it's dangerous.

ELIAN: What does that say?

MAMA: I didn't see...

ELIAN: What does that say?

MAMA: I didn't see...

ELIAN: What does that say?

MAMA: Road closed.

ELIAN: What does that mean?

MAMA: You can't drive down that way.

ELIAN: Why?

MAMA: Because the road is closed.

ELIAN: Why?

MAMA: They're probably doing work down there.

ELIAN: What does that say?

... ... ...

*This has NOT been embellished for purposes of entertainment.

smooth operator

Yesterday the little man and I went down the street to let the neighbor's dog out. As we were heading home, an attractive woman got out of a car and started walking toward another neighbor's house. When Elian saw her, his eyes lit up and before I knew it, he was running toward her to greet her, "Hi, I didn't know I was going to see you...I'm glad to see you today..." he cooed. She knelt down to say hello to him at eye level and he gave her a big hug, "Hiiiiiiiiiii....." I got a little nervous. Did I know this person? Did he know this person? I started to think it might be our neighbor's daughter. So I said, "Buddy, do you know who this is?" To which he replied, "No." And then the woman introduced herself and he introduced himself. And we went on our merry way.

He has a way with the ladies.